Someday
by Jae B
Summary: What happens when you're still in love, but realize you have to move on?


Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold, which is owned by Viacom. I do not own the rights to the lyrics for Nickelback's "Someday."  
  
Author's Note: For a slight change, I needed to take a short "vacation" from the "Blue Oceans" fic, but I haven't abandoned it. This is my firt attempt at a sonfic, so please, bear with it. It also occured to me that, because there are so many A/H angst fics out there, I wanted to give this a twist by using an alternate couple. Here goes nothin'.  
  
*~*  
  
"What are we gonna do about-"  
  
"I'll take care of it, Gerald. All you need to do is pay-"  
  
"How'd the hell we'd wind up like this, Phoebe?" She shrugged while adding more clothing to her suitcase.  
  
How the hell'd we wind up like this And why weren't we able To see the signs that we missed And try to turn the tables  
  
She slammed the lid down hard, snapping the latches on her luggage shut. I could tell she had no intention of returning to what was once our peaceful married life, 'cause the determined look on her face let me in on the fact her mention of our divorce was for real.  
  
"Come on, can't we work this out somehow?"  
  
"I don't think so, not this time. What you did was the straw that broke the camel's back."  
  
"Please, don't leave! That's all you've been doin' for the past three months!"  
  
"And now I'm departing permantly!" she cried clenching her fists, "because of that...that..."  
  
I wish you'd unclench your fists And unpack your suitcase Lately there's been too much of this But don't think it's too late  
  
"Where you gonna stay?"  
  
"You know damn well with whom I'll be residing, Gerald, that is at least until I acquire my own living arrangements. Oh, and I'm speculating you'll be attending the wedding, correct? After all, Arnold did ask you to be his best man. If such is the case, I can withstand your presence for his sake.  
  
"I'm not goin' to the wedding. I've already discussed the matter with Helga."  
  
"With Helga?! Apparently, she hasn't disclosed this information to Arnold because he's been relating how his best friend's wedding toast will transcend all others to come. How can you be so selfish, Gerald? He's counting on you to be there. What the hell is the matter with you?"  
  
"Nothin's wrong," I answered in a pathetic attempt at a lie.  
  
Nothing's wrong Just as long as you know that someday I will Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it all right But not right now I know you're wondering when  
  
"Oh, nothing's wrong, is it, Gerald?!" she screamed at me, then picked up her suitcase, starting to walk in the direction of the front door.  
  
"Phoebe! What can I do to convince you to stay? I swear, I'll do anything to keep our marriage together!"  
  
"It's too late, Gerald. You've pushed me passed my limit, unless you think you can correct the wrong you've done to a right."  
  
"I swear, I'm gonna make it all right," I tried to plead with her.  
  
"I've chosen to believe you, but when the hell would that be?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"That's what I thought!" she yelled. "I can't waste my time around here. I've got a doctor's appointment." With that, she slammed the door in my face as I tried to explain these circumstances were just as difficult for me as they were for her.  
  
"You're the only one who knows..."  
  
You're the only one who knows that Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it all right But not right now I know you're wondering when  
  
The house seemed so empty without her, but I wasn't ready to take down all the picutures of us just yet. Then I stumbled across our own wedding photos. I glanced through 'em, but my heart started suffocating from the pain that wrapped it choking grasp around the organ's wounded core. Oh, why oh, why did I have to be the one who was the stupid ass because I was so lonely? If she woulda just taken the time to hear me out instead a burying her head in all that research? How come she couldn't be like Arnold, who left his work at the lab? As I took another look around the room, I realized there was one photo I couldn't bear the sight of anymore. It was the most memorable kiss I'd ever experienced with Phoebe, one deriving from true love.  
  
"True love?! The hell with that!!" My fist aimed for the frame shattering the glass. Blood dripped off my knuckles, but I didn't care. In a fit of violent rage, I smashed every picture of the two of us, throwing all of them to the ground. Once I'd spotted her trophy shelf she hadn't come back for yet, I slammed it against the wall, every statue falling to the floor, but stopped once I heard a knock on the door. To my surprise, I answered the door to the appearance of Phoebe.  
  
"I just came for my trophy case," she said studying the surroundings of the destroyed living area. "It's my observation you're experiencing the same great emotional struggles within yourself that I've had to endure because of you. Well, it's not MY fault! You did this to yourself!"  
  
"If you woulda crawled out from underneath all that research from time to time, instead a burying your nose in it 24/7, maybe I wouldn't a-"  
  
"Just shut up! I'm not willng to hear it!"  
  
"All right, I'm sorry. Since we're both here, you willin' to talk?"  
  
Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway That we could end up saying Things we always needed to say So we could end up staying  
  
"I suppose, " she replied, knowing the need for myself to explain to her my part of the story.  
  
"You know, I would have never gone to her if you woulda just spent a little time with me."  
  
"Whether I spent time with you or not is no excuse for having an affair!"  
  
"Couldn't we just forget what happened? You know, wipe the slate clean?"  
  
"How can you wipe the slate clean, Gerald? Are you at all aware of what happened? What would you have done if she kept it? She could have made my life a miserable living hell!"  
  
"If everything's my fault, where did you stroll off to every night for the past three months?"  
  
"Did it occur to you at all that I've been helping Helga with the wedding arrangements? As far as later in the evening, I refuse to share that information with you."  
  
"Look, Phoebe, I know what I did was beyond wrong, but can't we start over?"  
  
Now the story's played out like this Just like a paperback novel Let's rewrite an ending that fits Instead of a Hollywood horror  
  
"How do you propose we start over, Gerald? Are we supposed to pretend none of this happened? Hmm...? Pretend you never had intimate relations with that flame headed who-"  
  
"That's it! I'm already drowning in guilt! Don't you think you've said enough to-" the phone interrupted my train of thought. "Hello?"  
  
~Hey, Gerald.~ I heard Arnold voice quietly through the receiver.  
  
"What's up, buddy?"  
  
~Helga just broke the news to me...~  
  
"What news?"  
  
~Everything. The divorce...that you won't be my best man...~ A lump gathered in my throat as I listened.  
  
"It's Arnold, isn't it?" Phoebe guessed, but I only responded by meeting her eyes, lifting a finger to my mouth, yet I was transfixed by her delicate features.  
  
"I'm sorry, man. I just can't..." I couldn't even finish my sentence.  
  
~I understand, Gerald, but I don't get why you're unable to put your differences aside for one day. You sure you're all right?~  
  
"Nothin's wrong," I echoed into the receiver, all the while my eyes still fixated on Phoebe. He hadn't been informed of my affair. "I know I owe you big time for this one. Please, Arnold, I promise I'll make it up to you someday."  
  
~All right.~ I heard him sigh followed by the click of the receiver.  
  
Nothing's wrong Just as long as you know that someday I will Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it all right But not right now I know you're wondering when  
  
"Are you satisfied now that your best friend's most likely crestfallen resulting from your utter lack of consideration?" She knew my response wasn't soley addressed to Arnold, but refused to acknowledge it.  
  
"Smart ass remarks like that from you is exactly WHY I'm not gonna be Arnold's best man!" I shouted.  
  
"You desire to keep our marriage together, yet refuse to rid yourself of this childish behavior by avoiding public appearances involving me, is that it, Gerald?"  
  
"No! It's knowin' you'll have nothin' to do with me after I've repeatedly asked for your forgiveness!"  
  
"I can't forgive you, and you know damn well why!"  
  
"Don't you know I'll do anything? I'll pay child support! Hell, I'll take custody if I have to! Don't you know I still love you?!"  
  
"Of course I do, Gerald, but it's painful for me to state that I'm not entirely certain I still love you." My heart dropped into my stomach.  
  
"Please don't say that, Phoebe. You're the only one who-"  
  
"I know, but I can't wait forever..." she hesitated, then made her exit once again through the front door.  
  
"PHOEBE!" I bellowed, but she was gone.  
  
You're the only one who knows that  
  
The afternoon of the wedding found me stepping up to the front counter of the local liquor store.  
  
"What'll it be?"  
  
"Half pint-no-make that a pint of Southern Comfort."  
  
"Not that it's any of my business, but you're too young to be killing yourself with this stuff. What is this...the third week in a row you've come in every day for it?"  
  
"Hey, aren't you supposed to be selling this stuff?"  
  
"If I didn't need the money, I wouldn't be working here. You know, the former owner's son died from alchohol."  
  
"Yeah, I knew him back in high school."  
  
"Mark! You get on your soapbox one more time and you're fired!"  
  
"Have a nice day."  
  
"Yeah...."  
  
After I'd downed the liquid five minutes outside the liquor store, I threw the empty glass bottle in the trash, thinking I might go back for more. Shaking my head in shame, I realized how stupid I'd been the entire month, resolving never to step foot in a store selling alchohol ever again. Work was more important. I headed for Tina Park so that I might be able to collect my thoughts in a quiet atmosphere. Once I'd arrived, I sat down on the park bench, asking myself over and over what I could have done to prevent the outcome of the current situation.  
  
"How the hell'd we wind up like this?" I asked an imaginary Phoebe.  
  
How the hell we'd wind up like this And why weren't we able To see the signs that we missed And try to turn the tables  
  
After about an hour, I decided it was about time I left for home. I was thankful I had requested the day off long before I knew I'd made the decision not to be a member of Arnold's and Helga's wedding party. Not only was I angry with myself for the consequences I'd brought upon myself involving Phoebe, but I was even more disgusted with myself 'cause she was absolutely right in the fact that my selfishness was what kept me from taking the role of best man. Turning 'round the corner, I espied a few women dressed in flowing red gowns, one of the females joining the same path as mine. I decided to ignore all of 'em 'cause I didn't want to remember this day. It was then I collided with one of the girls, unintentionally knocking her to the ground.  
  
"I'm sorry, miss," I apologized, offering to help the tiny raven haired female off the sidewalk.  
  
"Gerald?" Phoebe asked with questioning eyes.  
  
"Phoebe?" There were no words to describe what a raving beauty she was. "You okay?"  
  
"I'm...all right. May I converse with you for a few minutes, Gerald? We have exactly one hour before the reception, so I've time to break the news to you."  
  
"How 'bout we continue this conversation in the park?"  
  
"All right."  
  
"So, what is it you wanted to tell me, Phoebe?" I inquired as I sat down once again on the park's bench.  
  
"I lost the baby," she blurted out, restraining her tears.  
  
"You lost...the baby? Was it actually-"  
  
"Yes, it was yours, Gerald." How much more could my heart handle? I closed my eyes for a moment, every muscle in my body stiffening, then I released the tension by placing one of my oversized hands on her tiny shoulder.  
  
"Maybe..." I hinted my suggestion to her.  
  
"Maybe, if the turnout of our state of affairs had been altered..."  
  
Now the story's played out like this Just like a paperback novel Let's rewrite an ending that fits Instead of a Hollywood horror  
  
"I'm sorry, Phoebe. I'm sorry about everything. By the way, I turned in the papers this morning. They said I probably woulda gotten custody being you have such a rigorous work schedule, but that's not gonna happen now, so I guess this is it then?"  
  
"I suppose it is then," she answered with concerned eyes. "Since I haven't encountered your presence lately, how are you?"  
  
"How the hell do you think I'm doin'?!"  
  
"I think you're using alchohol to deal with your unresolved issues."  
  
"That ended today."  
  
"I'm pleased to be informed of your awareness regarding the dangers of alchoholism."  
  
"Yeah, well, I had a reminder of what a really dangerous drug alchohol is today."  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Yeah, Jack..."  
  
"Are you certain you're all right?"  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
Nothing's wrong Just as long as you know that someday I will Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it all right But not right now I know you're wondering when  
  
"Gerald, please don't pretend you're all right on my account."  
  
"I'm not doin' a very good job of it, am I?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Looks like you don't have much time left if you wanna freshen up before the reception kicks in."  
  
"I have approximately thirty minutes. Do you believe you'll be attending the event?"  
  
"No, I don't think so. I've gotta call work and make up some lost hours."  
  
"Gerald?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm sorry too," her melancholy eyes looked up at me. "Do you really think that maybe someday...?"  
  
"Maybe someday, but not right now. You're the only one..." It hurt so bad I couldn't even finish my reply.  
  
You're the only one who knows that Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it all right But not right now I know you're wondering when  
  
"Actually, you're probably right in that I should be leaving soon. Yes, I know, Gerald. So, this is really it then?"  
  
You're the only one who knows that  
  
"Yeah, this is really it, Phoebe....until..." I returned under my breath.  
  
I know you're wondering when  
  
"Goodbye, Gerald," she squeaked. I took one long last look at the beautiful woman who used to be my wife, then turned around, and as I did, I heard her faintly whisper, "For now."  
  
You're the only one who knows that  
  
"Goodbye, Phoebe," I choked, then added a barely audible whisper of my own. "For now." Starting my journey home, I never once glanced back.  
  
I know you're wondering when  
  
*END*  
  
*~*  
  
Author's note: That's it. On to "Blue O.." among other projects. 


End file.
